So the last few days have been kind of shitty.
I was excited to get back into marching season. Was being the operative word.
That duo I talked about in the last post? Well half of it is gone without explanation and may not be coming back at all. The other half, who wasn't supposed to be here this week anyway has been trying to come in as much as possible and today was the first day he couldn't be there at all.
The people they've got running camp for us have no idea how our band works. We are a band that mixes the fun with the work and more than anything, bonds. They're used to working with bands that strictly separate free time and serious time and have little to no relationship with the staff: robots. I feel like they're sucking the soul out of marching band. As a leader and a senior, I've been allowed minimal chances to give advice and do my job. The icing on the cake was when one of my past very good friends returned yesterday to help as a tech, and has been acting like a complete jerk. Someone that would always joke around but was still very good when it came down to business now won't even crack a smile in mine or other mutual friend's directions and is nothing but rude when speaking to us. This season isn't going anywhere good fast. We don't even have a band director yet.

Sorry that this post is so negative, but even venting to my friends and everyone else that isn't oblivious is not enough. We're going to wait to see if when half of the duo returns on Monday, things improve. If not, we're going to have to have a very serious talk with him on Tuesday.  After the great experiences I've had over the past 3 years, if I was a freshmen this year and things stay the same, I wouldn't come back.

Hopefully things will get better and I can have the marching band I know and love back.

Wow that week went by fast.
Thursday I went to the first band leadership meeting of my last year. We managed to turn 15 minutes worth of information into almost 2 hours of fooling around and laughing, adult staff included. I'm super excited for the dynamic between the 2 fairly young people who will be running the program this year since we're still searching for a band director. I don't have any concerns about that lack though because these 2 have nearly perfected "getting the job done." Although I will miss having one of them there for the first week of band camp because no one else can scare the freshmen that well with his intimidating drill sergeant style on the first day. But hey, at least being woodwind sergeant and not a captain this year means I might be able to get out of those grueling periods of block, to walk around and check people. Plus I'm ready to be in shape again. It should be fun exercising out in the heat for the same two weeks as the olympians.

Speak of the devil, I really liked the London ceremony. The music, signature British humor, and the imagery made it feel very intimate. I do wish Doctor Who had gotten a bigger nod than just 2 seconds of TARDIS noises, but oh well. Since 2016 will be in Rio de Janeiro, I have even more motivation to learn Portuguese after improving my Spanish.

Today will be mostly shopping, tomorrow brunch and the humane society, then band camp bright and early (but at least 9am and NOT 7am this year) on Monday. I'm way behind on summer assignments, so this weekly posting might be the norm for awhile.

The Dark Knight Rises

(spoiler warning)

Undeterred by unfortunate events, I went to see The Dark Knight Rises on Friday night. I wasn't sure how it was going to affect me compared to my recent immersion into the Marvel films.
It perfectly complemented it.

Much has been said about DC characters being too powerful or perfect while Marvel's each have their own humanizing flaws. I partially agree with this and tend to lean towards Marvel myself, however, TDKR and The Avengers have contributed to a bit of role reversal. Nolan definitely puts far more effort into portraying the pure myth of Batman in the last 2 films over the personal story of Bruce Wayne. Before really analyzing either film, I viewed TDKR as a grandiose show of good vs. evil while The Avengers highlighted the down-to-earth humanity in every character. Now after much thought I've seen a completely different perspective. While the previous statement remains true, it is, in other ways, false. TDKR goes into far greater depth about humanity's will to survive and the heart of societal problems. When I reflect on it, in contrast The Avengers is really only focuses on an upper echelon fighting off an evil that is beyond the common man. While I still favor The Avengers for its cast and overall hype, TDKR embarrasses The Avengers with its sheer comprehensiveness. Kind of ironic when comparing a team of superheroes to a sole protector. That being said, where one movie fails, the other makes up for it. I'm glad they were released so close together.

The cinematography, CGI, and overall visual effects were inevitably brilliant. Due to his role in relation to the plot twist, Bane is not comparable to the Joker but compelling once you realize his true nature. Joseph Gordon Levitt was quite the scene stealer. You could hear half of the theater take in a sharp breath of joy when his 'true name' was finally revealed. Christian Bale's performance felt like Batman finally matured morally and socially. My favorite scenes were definitely Wayne's struggle in the prison, which brings me to the single best aspect of the movie:

The music.

It's hard for me to put myself in the shoes of the average non-musically trained moviegoer and try to imagine how easy it is to miss the subtleties in various different film scores. Hans Zimmer's work for The Dark Knight trilogy is on a different level. It will take many years, if not decades, for the Dark Knight (musical)motif to leave the ears of the public. If you don't know what I'm talking about, simply click here and listen to the first 42 seconds.

0:21-0:27, a simple interval, is Batman beginning.
0:33-0:42, a powerfully uplifting chord, is The Dark Knight rising.
At least that's how I see it.

And the beauty of the music is that it is so well intertwined with the film that after the first two movies we've been conditioned to respond to that simple harmony. How does that play into TDKR? When Bruce Wayne finally rises from "hell," cheered on by a primal chorus, and takes his first steps back into the light, everything builds up to the Dark Knight motif, finally unleashed on the audience in full force.

You can't help but shiver in triumph.

If Nolan set the bar for superhero films, Zimmer built an impassable mountain for superhero scores.

I've been seeing way too many films twice recently, but I might just have to go for one more.

Wow, where did that week go.
I spent Thursday, Friday, and Saturday morning volunteering at the opening of a new thrift store for my local Humane Society. Thursday and Friday were mostly helping out with retail related things, while on Saturday I got to escort a dog from the shelter to the store and get it adopted! In my free time there I also found a bunch of ridiculously cheap things including a great beachy-style dress, tanktop, Spanish poetry and a John Grisham novel in Spanish, 2 wireless routers, a chuck-it ball thrower, and a Kodak Ektralite 10 camera. All of this came out to a grand total of $18.
Here I come, other thrift stores, and pawn shops, and such.

Friday night I went to Chipotle and to see Ted again with friends so the one friend that got kicked out last time could see it. Most of my laughing the second time was due to his hysterical laughing. We ended the night with ping pong.

Ah! Rewind! Thursday afternoon I convinced my mom to go to Petco to buy new filters for my fish tank and we walked out with 4 new Glofish and a snail. Unfortunately, that snail was dead before I even got it home. This was solved with a trip to Petsmart the next day with an employee that actually cared to check if the new snail I got was alive or not. Now I'm happy to say that my snail (Steve/Captain America) is thriving in his new home along with my 3 rosy red minnows (Bruce/Hulk, Tony, and Pepper) my lemon-lime and blue Glofish (Loki and Thor) and my purple and fuschia Glofish (whose names will most likely be Clint and Natasha).

As far as my Spanish progress, it took a backseat to all of this volunteer time and growing my 125 sunflowers for Biology, but I fully intend to resume very soon.

Today will include brunch and lots of dog-walking. Happy mid-July, better known as "oh crap, where did the summer go?" day.

Eeek, 4 days. Just act natural everybody.

I'll rewind to Saturday: a beautiful relaxing afternoon at the beach where I became my friends' 3 year old cousin's new best friend.

Sunday I was up early and off to my final mentoring session as a dog walker at the Humane Society! Then regular brunch with my grandparents, followed by the pool.

Yesterday entailed even more running around. After dropping my mom off at work, I took a 40 minute walk (with partial jogging) then attempted to go to the pool. I swam for maybe 15 minutes then decided to try to tan a bit. As soon as I laid down on the chair it started raining. Typical Florida. So I sat under the canopy and waited for it to pass. 10 minutes later and the skies had cleared, so I went back out. The second my back touched the chair a great boom of thunder sounded. The forces of nature are out to keep me pale. Afterwards, I ate and caught up with more of Covert Affairs.

The next order of business was stopping by the Humane Society to get my official shirt and tag. Working there must be fantastic because the lady I had to speak to had a cage blocking of the entrance to her cubicle which allowed a tiny kitten to run around inside. She also let me know about an opportunity to help out this weekend where I could work with cats!

Next I drove straight to my friend's house to give him a ride to the soup kitchen we've been helping out at. Unlike last time, I wound up unknowingly volunteering to dry dishes in the back of the kitchen without air conditioning. Not fun.

On my way home, my mom and I stopped to get dinner at Quiznos and the lady who works there is really friendly and loves talking to my mom. As we walked in she was about to put up a "Now Hiring" sign. We talking for probably half an hour about me working there and it would have been perfect, except I can't work the hours she needs because of band camp. I feel bad that I haven't been able to get a real job yet, and that probably won't happen until I have free time again after marching season in November.

I'm off to the pool right now to try to beat whatever weather may come.

Sweet victory. IB scores came in today and I got a 6 (out of 7) on Spanish SL! *confetti cannon*

It's been a few days since my last post, but I'm still remembering to post, so, progress!

Anyway, Independence Day was humbly enjoyable. I had dinner at grandparents' then watched fireworks from a distance in my neighborhood. Yesterday I breezed through Intermediate B1 Spanish on busuu, watched Telemundo, and then had a night out with my best friends because one of them just got back in town.

I watched the pilot episode of Covert Affairs, which just furthers my interest in working for the CIA and makes choosing a career path even harder. Finally, this morning I got things moving relating to my responsibilities as Woodwind Sergeant for marching band.

Wow, sorry this is such a laundry list of events, but I haven't had any complex insights lately. I could have sworn I had a really interesting dream last night, but it's been blurred about by consciousness.

Ahhhhhh today.

Today I had plans that were cancelled, but they weren't horribly time-relevant anyway.
Then I almost had amazing plans cancelled as well, but thankfully not. This meant that I took my grandpa to see The Avengers: his first time, my third. It was oh so pleasant to finally not be either a) horribly distracted by demon spawn children, or b) struggling to stay awake through long dialogue scenes at midnight. I can look back on this time in my life and laugh maniacally as the future generation envies the fact that I got to see this masterpiece in a movie theater.

Then I stopped home to pick up my mom and drove back to see The Amazing Spiderman. Cheesiness aside, the added "amazing" is necessary. I saw it in 3D which was perfect for all of the swinging and jumping. Andrew Garfield's portrayal makes Tobey Maguire's seem geriatric and melodramatic. His chemistry with Emma Stone was delectable and made me want so much more out of their onscreen relationship. I'd have preferred that they spent more time focusing on his emergence into the public eye, but maybe that will come with the inevitable sequel. Overall it was a perfect popcorn movie with a great balance of drama, action, humor, heartache and all those good things. In my opinion the script isn't as clever as Whedon's, but there are definitely funny moments.

I'm sufficiently energized and awed for the day. Perhaps it will carry into tomorrow's giant patriotic rampage.

Woohoo! A productive day at last.

My morning began at about 9 as I woke up and prepared for spending 10-12 at the Humane Society, getting mentored in their dog-walking program. There were so many sweethearts and I'll definitely have one more thing to look forward on Sundays. After, I went to brunch at my grandparent's house, a tradition that's gone on decades before I even existed. It's typically filled with egyptian eggs and humorous, intelligent discussions. We bordered on the silly side today as my grandma laughed for nearly 5 minutes when my mom asked if the ant traps we'd been given were expired or not. My mom didn't comprehend our humor and kept on reading the package as my grandma and I had nearly capsized, laughing about how ridiculous the idea of worrying about giving ants something spoiled is.

Driving back to my house after brunch, we came across a stray dog who thankfully had a collar. A few phone calls and a short wait later, and "Bentley" was back in loving arms. My deed to society was fulfilled for the day.

As far as Spanish progress: I've only had time to translate a few documents on Duo Lingo, but at least they've been entertaining.

After dinner I had plans with my 2 girl friends and guy friend to see "Ted," mostly due to the interest of
the guy. We all are 17 except for the boy, and despite our suggestions to buy a ticket online, he took the risky route and ultimately ended up not seeing the movie. The most surprising aspect of the night however was how funny the movie actually ended up being. I expected the watered down primetime TV humor typical of the Land of the Free but walked out adequately amused and entertained. The plot is nothing new, but the jokes are just plain fun.

Overall today was pleasant and I'm looking forward to a decent amount of plans throughout the week.

"If the world is ending, yo armo la fiesta."

Hi all! I registered on the forum for "fluentin3months" for extra motivation to continue learning Spanish. I figured I should probably include any posts from there on this blog to keep you up to date with my progress, so here's the first:

Before I begin, let me first say that the title is quoted from lyrics of an English song whose Uruguay-born, US-raised writer also released a version in Spanish. So if "armo" sounds a bit iffy, don't blame me, I preferred not to alter the lyrics for consistency's sake. :) 

Now on to the meat of the quesadilla: 

¡Hola! My name is Emily and my goal is to be comfortable having a 5 minute conversation in Spanish with a native speaker by December 21, 2012. Originally I picked January 1, 2013, but considering that a decent number of tin-hatty types are convinced we won't be around by then, I decided that it'd be great to at least achieve bilingual fluency, even if I don't get to leave high school (Class of 2013, haha).  

A bit of my background learning Spanish: I received a letter in 7th grade inviting me to take Spanish the next year and I did just that. Even though we had plenty of speakers in the beginning who encouraged us to give it our all and reap the benefits of knowing a second language, I was at most, half-heartedly inspired. I continued learning Spanish in high school as part of the International Baccalaureate program. As much as I tried my hardest to really absorb the material, the high pressure atmosphere created by my other courses just wasn't the ideal learning environment. The loosely-enforced "¡No Inglés! rule in class proved fruitless once our oral presentations had been submitted. On May 17th of this year I tested out of Standard Level IB Spanish. My official obligation to the language was over.  

This summer, an abundance of free time and a previous interest led me to this website. Oh boy, was I inspired. Since then I've explored programs like busuu, Duo Lingo, and Anki. My game plan for the next month includes watching movies in Spanish without subtitles, listening to Spanish radio, improving my grammar and conjugation, and if I'm brave enough, venturing outdoors in the morning to speak with the yard workers. I live in Florida, but I won't have a good connection to the Hispanic community until school starts again in August. During the school year, as a member of Spanish National Honor Society, I'm hoping to take advantage of opportunities like Spanish tutoring and interpreting for parents at elementary school parent-teacher conferences.  

Though I usually have quite a problem with seeing things to the end, my motivation seems to be more than enough to carry me through this goal. After I get make it over the "hill" of conversational fluency in my first foreign language, I'm looking forward to beginning my journey towards being a polyglot very much. I've also recently started a blog which is likely to include comments on my progress. Feel free to check it out. :) Otherwise, I'm hoping to post here at least once a month and more often if appropriate.  

"Querer es poder." 

Thanks for reading and sorry for any redundancies!

Once again, I didn't get around to yesterday's post. But I have good reasons! Plus, I think a goal of 5 posts per week is adequate, especially when school starts.

Yesterday I furthered my Spanish studying through previously mentioned methods, plus the discovery of Duo Lingo, which is mostly great for solidifying common vocabulary. The biggest amount of practice occurred when I turned on a Spanish-dubbed movie on HBO, and I could understand plenty of it! I'll probably try to do this twice a week.

This was cut short (probably for better) as I was summoned back into society to play tennis and go swimming with my best friends. It was an afternoon of stupid jokes and lethargy: in other words, perfect. Then we stuffed ourselves full of chips, quesadillas, and churros. And that's the definition of a great evening.

Oops, skipped a day.
It's been 1 week since I started this. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
No really, that's kind of an accomplishment for me.

To follow up on my last post, I've been looking into different learning techniques and such which involved the website "fluentin3months.com" The name is misleading. It's not one of those really long pages with a Paypal link at the end asking you to buy some BS digital course. It's the blog of someone who's become fluent in many languages and discusses what he's learned about well... learning. It inspired me and made me aware of the ways I can improve language acquisition. If you've ever had any interest in becoming bilingual or multilingual, seriously, read through some of it.

Following that, I found (or possibly rediscovered, unless that's deja vu) busuu.com, which isn't the holy grail of language learning programs, but it sure is satisfying to see the little progress animations. The instant messaging system isn't half bad either, at least when the native speakers aren't completely conspicuous about hitting on you. Combined with "Breaking Out of Beginner's Spanish" and some bonafide dedication, I think I can do this.

I suppose it's quite ironic that I'm finally putting a serious effort into learning Spanish a week before I receive the results from my IB Spanish test. Oh well. I'm sure the benefits of actually learning it will far outweigh a ticket into a slightly higher college class.

In other news, my friends are back in town and that's exciting.

It shouldn't be this close to July.

I want to be a polyglot. To be able to watch any movie without subtitles. To travel the world easily and have a desired skill for the CIA if I wished to join.

I've been "learning" Spanish since 8th grade and didn't feel like I progressed much until this year. It's not that I find it hard to understand the grammar and pronunciation, it's the process of continuing to practice adequately and retain the vocabulary that kills me. I wish I could have been raised speaking two languages so I could have hope that it was possible. Right now I feel stuck at the intermediate level while my mind gets distracted by the prospect of learning even more languages. I'd pause time and spend a year in Costa Rica if I could. Maybe I could study abroad to further my learning.
But I want to learn so many different languages too. I just need to stop and focus until I'm nearly fluent before I move onto anything new.
Again with the starting things but never following through.
I just want to concentrate.


Pretend I made a smooth transition.

I filled out an application today at a place I'd love to work for. Afterwards, I went into Home Depot and Lowes still wearing business casual attire which meant a skirt. In both stores I was immediately approached in exactly the same way by two male employees asking if I needed help. I didn't know whether to be flattered, creeped out, or frustrated by female stereotypes.

21 Jump Street was fun.

The very first few hours of today were spent rewatching Thor and staying up to see the scores from the ACT I took this month which elicited a "meh." Consequently that meant that the early middle hours of the day were spent in dreamland.

The day did happen to grow mediocrely productive as I embarked on a regular information quest across the internet with today's topics including speed reading, the psychology behind learning, and C++ programming. Only my computer's severe lack of memory space (due to my negligence to transfer photos to my external hard drive) impeded my progress in the latter subject. There's always tomorrow to download an IDE program.

Other than that, I noticed, especially today, the growing problem I have with finishing tasks. I fleeted from article to article to even tutorials and kept getting sidetracked by a link on the page or a sudden interest that needed to be satisfied. Oh how I love to begin things but oh how hard it is to follow through. What I find interesting though is that I act completely the opposite in my school and extra curricular activities. For most of my young life I've stuck with commitments like dance classes, certain clubs, and other organizations even if I despised them. Either that, or I felt an immense guilt when walking away prematurely. Intellectually however, I can't seem to stay on the same hobby or interest for more than a week, or in the case of browsing, 15 minutes.

There has to be some way to fix this but I'd probably get distracted halfway through the cure.

Today has been slow and Tropical Storm Debby (Downer) hasn't done anything to improve my motivation, so for tonight, that's all folks.

Not satisfied with just being Iron Man

I totally told myself that I would remember to do yesterday's post but I didn't get home till 1am, so, *shrug* Well that just leaves you wondering why I could have possibly been out late.
By very convenient luck, a friend's parents had two extra tickets to the DCI event in Orlando last night. Said friend happens to be in Teal Sound along with two other friends. I got in contact with the parents and my mom and I drove up last night expecting torrential rain. Nope, that was today. Last night was beautiful and the show was amazing. There were 6 corps present. We missed Tampa Bay Thunder and enjoyed Crossmen and Teal Sound.

However, I had the privilege of bearing witness to the mind-blowing amazing talent of Carolina Crown, The Cavaliers, and The Cadets. Yep. The triple emphasis is completely necessary. Carolina's show was ever so pleasing and centered around Fanfare for the Common Man. The Cavaliers "15 minutes of fame" was less shocking then shows in years previous but top-notch quality nonetheless. Finally The Cadets "12.25"-which if you haven't inferred was all Christmas music- ended up being way less cheesy and awkward than I thought. Regardless of the repertoires, to quote the lady sitting next to me: "I could sit here for 5 more hours if it means listening to a live drum corps." I'll still yearn for the day when I can see the likes of Phantom Regiment and the Bluecoats, but just the experience of all that brass punching me right in the soul is enough to tide me over for this year.

On the other hand, I can't forget to note the area the event was in. The Citrus Bowl is located on Church Street about 2 blocks from Orange Blossom Trail. This would lead you to believe it's in a similar environment as the Florida Mall. Even though it's 8 miles away, it couldn't be anymore different.    Almost every significant intersection in the surrounding area had either a strip club, an automotive repair shop, or a fried chicken restaurant. It felt like I was driving through a caricature of 'the ghetto.'

Now that I got that out, I must also make a few remarks about the sudden awakening I've had to the world of engineering. I happened to be cursed in a way that when I watch a movie or tv show, I have the uncontrollable urge to follow in the foot steps of the most desirable character. (Seriously, even on NCIS I would love to be Abby or Ziva). Watching Iron Man twice in the same day did not help this problem. I could list hundreds of people that I would love to become, but at the moment I'll focus on Tony Stark (in real life, Elon Musk), Pete Wentz, and Kurt Vonnegut.  I suppose that's why I've got my sights set on the University of Southern California. Besides it being in my ideal location, it has quality programs in engineering, music, and writing and encourages combining a vastly different majors. My affinity for this school is a story for another time though. Right now I'm just lost in closing in on what in the world I want to do and become. If I'm lucky enough, maybe I can evolve into my own version of a combination of those three.

For now, I'm off to find a working link to Iron Man 2 and indulge in this engineering genius fantasy a bit more.

Dreams and nostalgia

I'll start off today's post by documenting the dream I had last night. It was oddly compelling and its origin was easily traceable. The first aspect of it took place in a New York skyscraper. This isn't a surprise because I spent a good part of yesterday reading "Slapstick" by Kurt Vonnegut and also watching Suits. The settings for both works happen to be just that.

My subconscious mind apparently has an on and off love for detail, so I can tell you that this dream began precisely on the 4th floor of god knows what building. Like all dreams, I don't know how I arrived there, but somehow I was on my own and carrying my faithful purple suitcase into a high-class squatter settlement. Someone had managed to take over a few floors of a prominent building in the city and use them to house a community of wanderers. The person in charge was quite serious about their "business" and their followers were strict about following protocol (whatever it was, I can't remember.)

After being explained the rules, I ended up with a place to spend the night: a dilapidated red couch on the 5th floor in a crowded room, accessible by an unnecessarily long staircase. I was told I'd have to unpack my valuables and leave everything else in my suitcase which would be stored in the alley for "space." Although technically asleep, my logic protested and I insisted that it would be a far better idea to set aside areas of each room for the residents to place their belongings. Apparently this was a novel idea because the head caretakers were immediately convinced.

Following this debacle, I ventured out into the city and was surprised to spot friends and family that I knew among the crowds. Whoever I was in the dream however seemed terrified to come across familiar faces. I suppose I might have been running away? I can't be sure. After some time I returned to my accommodations and gazed out the window, only to stare directly at a police officer on a moped at ground level. Mind you, I was still on the 5th floor. Apparently this eye contact meant that I had given away the location of the squatter settlement and the authorities would be coming to bust everyone.

Pure instinct caused me to run out and away, fearing that I'd betrayed the people in the building. The nature of dreams resulted in a sudden change of location. Amusingly, I was alerted to this change only by a strong urge to look right instead of left as I ran across the street. By no apparent means, the other side of the road had become London. I was now being chased by someone I know in real life (I'll call him John) and I exclaimed that I'd shove him in front of a double decker bus if he kept following me. We both skidded to a stop at an area under a bridge which seemed to also be a train stop. Anticipating that I would try to board a train in an attempt to escape, John boarded the first vehicle that arrived. Unfortunately for him, it just so happened that the thing he climbed into was not a train at all.

Someone had had the brilliant idea of building an amusement park style ride under the bridge (for detail: it cost 1 pound to ride). I couldn't hold back a laugh as I watched John get launched into the air as the car defied physics and swung around the bridge. Reflecting back now, if it was even possible to construct, this particular ride would probably outshine all others. However it probably couldn't exist if not for random changes in gravity (yet another connection to "Slapstick").

The ride ended and this time it was me chasing John back across the street, realizing that I would need a friend in my new unknown quest which was immediately cut short. At this time, my mom entered my room to place the house phone next to my bed before leaving for work. The suspense was severed as I regretfully woke up. That always seems to happen in my dreams. I can't be sure whether I wake up at unlucky times or I wouldn't remember the dream unless I woke up in the middle of it. Whatever the case, it's usually a let down, but manageable when I can ponder whatever adventure my subconscious took me on.

And that's the extent of my dreams last night.

Today I rediscovered my nostalgia over my most loved band, Fall Out Boy.  To explain this it's necessary to describe how I initially opened the floodgates of memories. There are thousands upon thousands of mediocre bands with a connection to the internet and it is this reality that keeps me from taking interest in any of them. This morning of all mornings, I took a chance and clicked play on an acoustic version of the song "Sanctuary" by Paradise Fears.

Everything. was so. good.

The lyrics, the music, the looks, the personalities. This band has it. For all I know I could lose interest by next week but it has been sooooo long since I've been excited about new music. Coincidentally, in the music video for Sanctuary, the lead singer has the mannerisms of Patrick Stump. Just 3 seconds of footage sent me on a journey through Fall Out Boy's music videos in an attempt to find the exact same body movements that I know I've seen Patrick perform. I was unsuccessful, but going through the music videos made me realize just how much I've missed them.

Fall Out Boy is without fail love or hate for most people, so I won't be surprised if you find my appreciation for them to be completely trivial. I realized today that much of my happiness in my middle school years originated from this band and the other musicians they interacted with. It would be excessive to detail just how much of my life has been influenced by Fall Out Boy, so just believe me when I say "A LOT." I suppose the point of expressing these feelings is that deep down I know there's a solid part of my life missing. I can obsess over movies and books and TV shows but they seem so temporary in comparison to the affinity I had for Patrick, Pete, Joe and Andy. Their journey was one that I and so many other fans felt an intimate connection to. Every interview, concert, album, blog post: the sheer lengths they would go to to interact with their fans is a testament to how great being a fan was. I'll probably never feel the way I did at that stage in my life again.

Maybe that's just it. Maybe what it all means is that I'm not just nostalgic over my favorite band, I'm scared to leave behind a far more innocent and joyful time in my life. With the big daunting prospect of adulthood looming over my head, I wish I still had the comforts that got me through being a teenager.

I guess it's time to face the music.


"We're the therapists pumping through your speakers
Delivering just what you need
We're well read and poised 
We're the best boys
We're the chemists who've found the formula
To make your heart swell and burstNo matter what they say, don't believe a word


We're traveled like gypsies
Only with worse luck and far less gold
We're the kids you used to love
But then we grew old
We're the lifers here till the bitter end
Condemned from the start
Ashamed of the way 
The songs and the words own the beating of our hearts


The best part of "Believe" is the "Lie",
I hope you sing along and you steal a lineI need to keep you like this in my mind 
So give in or just give up 


Are we growing up or just going down?
It's just a matter of time until we're all found out
Take our tears, put them on ice
Cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light"

Mandatory: Hello world

It's a Thursday night in the middle of a suburban summer. I guess I should introduce myself.
Fate and a beloved ancestor have given me one of the most popular female names: Emily. Every day I feel the need to rise above just how common my name is. How's that working out? Eh, average.
I could tell you my life story but that would be moving backwards.

I turned seventeen years old four days ago. On May 30, 2012 I became a world explorer when I traveled to England with a group from school. Upon returning to the United States, I became infected with Influenza B and was bed ridden for over a week. Besides the physical tolls the illness took on me, it left me feeling quite down emotionally. At first I thought it was just a side effect of prednisone, but my initial feelings of doubt and discouragement have lingered well into the recovery phase. I have always prided myself on being an optimist. Recently, I've been feeling anything but hopeful. Being stuck at home without a job could be part of the problem, but as an introvert, I definitely don't mind quality time to myself. Rather, I'm frustrated by how things seem to be moving in slow motion. Never have I felt less certain about my future socially and work-wise.

I will be blunt and tell you right now that I have the scores and extra curricular resume to get me into a number of respected universities. Besides financial need, I don't see college acceptance as an impossible challenge. Instead I'm concerned about where I could possibly go afterwards. Whether or not I should blame my INTP personality type, one thing is certain: my career path is completely uncertain. Yes, of course. I know. At my age that's perfectly okay. But how can I know for sure? I picture myself in hundreds of different jobs pursuing countless opportunities but nothing stands out. Of course I'd be delighted if I could automatically become an actress, entrepreneur, writer, musician, guru, etc. But I'm not confident in myself that I have the talent or drive to do it. And that leads me to my worst fear. I cannot end up trapped in a cubicle at a 9-5 job that I despise. I'd rather be broke than regret my life.

I can tell now that it will take more than one post to piece together my thoughts and ambitions in a way that you can understand. What I've told you so far is barely the start of an outline of my current mindset.
I should move on to the next part before I continue making ever increasingly general and vague statements.

By starting this blog I definitely have a purpose in mind. I want to become a better writer and improve the way I express my feelings. I also want to somehow find truth in all of this and hopefully putting it on paper, figuratively, will guide my search. Finally, even if by chance, I hope this helps someone else like me. Ideally I would gain a nice following and have an attentive audience to share my ideas with. Realistically, the internet is has become so vast and anonymous that I'll probably end up writing only for my eyes. Regardless, if you are reading this, bear with me and I will try my best to entertain you.

I look forward to posting daily, but now, it's nearly time for Suits to start!