It's a Thursday night in the middle of a suburban summer. I guess I should introduce myself.
Fate and a beloved ancestor have given me one of the most popular female names: Emily. Every day I feel the need to rise above just how common my name is. How's that working out? Eh, average.
I could tell you my life story but that would be moving backwards.
I turned seventeen years old four days ago. On May 30, 2012 I became a world explorer when I traveled to England with a group from school. Upon returning to the United States, I became infected with Influenza B and was bed ridden for over a week. Besides the physical tolls the illness took on me, it left me feeling quite down emotionally. At first I thought it was just a side effect of prednisone, but my initial feelings of doubt and discouragement have lingered well into the recovery phase. I have always prided myself on being an optimist. Recently, I've been feeling anything but hopeful. Being stuck at home without a job could be part of the problem, but as an introvert, I definitely don't mind quality time to myself. Rather, I'm frustrated by how things seem to be moving in slow motion. Never have I felt less certain about my future socially and work-wise.
I will be blunt and tell you right now that I have the scores and extra curricular resume to get me into a number of respected universities. Besides financial need, I don't see college acceptance as an impossible challenge. Instead I'm concerned about where I could possibly go afterwards. Whether or not I should blame my INTP personality type, one thing is certain: my career path is completely uncertain. Yes, of course. I know. At my age that's perfectly okay. But how can I know for sure? I picture myself in hundreds of different jobs pursuing countless opportunities but nothing stands out. Of course I'd be delighted if I could automatically become an actress, entrepreneur, writer, musician, guru, etc. But I'm not confident in myself that I have the talent or drive to do it. And that leads me to my worst fear. I cannot end up trapped in a cubicle at a 9-5 job that I despise. I'd rather be broke than regret my life.
I can tell now that it will take more than one post to piece together my thoughts and ambitions in a way that you can understand. What I've told you so far is barely the start of an outline of my current mindset.
I should move on to the next part before I continue making ever increasingly general and vague statements.
By starting this blog I definitely have a purpose in mind. I want to become a better writer and improve the way I express my feelings. I also want to somehow find truth in all of this and hopefully putting it on paper, figuratively, will guide my search. Finally, even if by chance, I hope this helps someone else like me. Ideally I would gain a nice following and have an attentive audience to share my ideas with. Realistically, the internet is has become so vast and anonymous that I'll probably end up writing only for my eyes. Regardless, if you are reading this, bear with me and I will try my best to entertain you.
I look forward to posting daily, but now, it's nearly time for Suits to start!
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